![]() ![]() I’ve realized that there are so many things that are more important than a perfect posting schedule or email campaign. These past few months my time, energy, and attention have been required elsewhere. This might sound small, but it’s been really hard for me!Īnd guess what? It turns out that it’s totally okay. Now, a month is missing in my perfect blog archive history. April 2021 is the first month I have not created at least one new post since I started this blog in February 2019. ![]() You may (or may not) have noticed that I did not write a blog post last month. This blog post is “perfectly” timed, because it offers me an opportunity to practice accepting imperfection. It’s something we can all work on together, at every age and stage! ![]() Increasing our curiosity and awareness around this can lead to “aha” moments and big shifts. The process of noticing how we respond to our own mistakes, and considering how that might contrast with the messages we tell our kids, is incredibly powerful. If this feels hard, I invite you to be so gentle with yourself. So it’s natural that they will expect us to respond to their mistakes in the same way that they see us responding to our own, no matter what we might say! And we know that children believe our actions more than our words. If we tell children that it’s okay to make mistakes, but then they see that we demand perfection of ourselves and speak very harshly of ourselves when we mess up, this creates a mixed and dissonant message. This provides real life proof that it’s okay to not be perfect, that most mistakes are “fixable,” and that our performance is not at all linked with our worth. So how do we approach perfectionism with kids?Īs caring adults, I believe that the most helpful thing we can do is to acknowledge when we “mess up”, and show kids how we deal with it. Because it’s so persistent, pervasive, and vulnerable, perfectionism can be a difficult challenge to address directly. And if you’re familiar with this challenge, you know that the perfection bug is PERSISTENT. Perfectionism can be like a pesky bug that makes so many situations feel unpleasant and challenging. These kiddos are incredibly skilled and talented! And watching them refuse opportunities can feel pretty frustrating. If the test contains a tricky question, they skip the whole section. They won’t get on their bike because they feel afraid of falling in front of their friends. These kiddos tried to draw an airplane once, and when it didn’t look exactly like the photograph, they swore off of drawing forever. On the other hand, children who struggle with perfectionism may feel so uncomfortable with the idea of not getting it right that they may refuse to even attempt a task in the first place. Telling them “It’s no big deal!” doesn’t seem to help. Despite reassurance from caring adults, they may really struggle to let things go. These kiddos cry over their homework until late at night, crumple their drawings over and over again, or feel devastated if they don’t get a good mark on a test. ![]() They have a difficult time stepping away, taking a break, or accepting a result that doesn’t match their expectation. When perfectionism shows up for kids, it may mean that they keep working on something while becoming increasingly frustrated. Because being a human in this world means that many things are messy, out of our control, and imperfect. Perfectionism is about controlling the outcome of a task or a situation – either by working at it until it’s completed perfectly (to prove our mastery), or by avoiding it altogether so we don’t have to risk imperfection (and we preserve our sense of mastery). Anxiety reminds us of how little control we have, and tries to get us to grab onto control wherever we can find it. Or if a task seems like it will be challenging, the child experiences anxiety just thinking about it.Īnxiety and perfectionism are both connected to our relationship with control. If a task isn’t going well, the child’s experience of anxiety increases. This means that children who experience high levels of anxiety often also have very high expectations of themselves, and struggle to tolerate mistakes in themselves (and others). This might be because perfectionism and anxiety often go hand in hand. Let’s talk about the “p” word… PERFECTIONISM! Does this word describe anyone at your house? It comes up all the time in my work as an art therapist. Anxiety, Art Therapy, Frustration, Parenting Ideas, perfectionism, Self-esteeem ![]()
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